How to Write a Christmas Letter

(If you don't know me, understand that this is all pretty much tongue-in-cheek. I am a big fan of Christmas letters--long and short, and look forward to each and every one!)

Arminda Eberly. That's the name that springs to mind whenever mine turns to Christmas messages. A cousin of my mother's, who--in Southern parlance--wasn't quite right, Arminda always had the distinction of being the first Christmas card received at our house, usually around Thanksgiving. Arminda was the first lonely snowflake in the avalanche of Christmas mail, and was celebrated accordingly.

My mom was always a card-sender--and a card-writer. Each by hand. No carbon-copies for her. No generalized Christmas letters to be tucked inside a card and sent off as token correspondence for the season. Long before Xerox simplified our Christmas duties, my mom sent letters in every card, and received letters in return: cataloguing the goings-on in the families of friends and relations since the previous holiday season. She started on Thanksgiving weekend and had everything in the mail by the first week in December. With all the electronic assistance I have, I am still lucky to get cards in the mail by New Years.

How to write a Christmas letter? There are rules (mostly not observed, I fear..) 

  

      1)   Confine yourself to one page. That means one SIDE of one sheet of paper. And in a readable font. None of this size 6 business. Brevity is the soul of Christmas letters.

      2)   Keep it light.  If it doesn't make you smile, don't say it. There are some exceptions, as noted below. Some letters become legendary in their own time, including one we actually received that marched stoically from ‘Merry Christmas’ through an astonishingly calamitous year that incorporated heart attacks, hospitalizations, a house fire, deaths, and everything else, short of dismemberments and jail terms. (That type of recitation is now characterized as a ‘Bud Fuller’ letter. Names have been changed to protect the oh-so-guilty author.)

      3)   If it's necessary to include sad news, do it quickly and move on. "We are sad to say that Rover is now chasing squirrels in the Great Beyond, but Muffy is still with us, and continues to terrorize the mouse population."

      4)   Give a sentence or two about each family member; if you leave someone out, readers will suspect the worst--either total disgrace, or that they are up there with Rover, chasing squirrels.

      5)   Don’t brag (although it is tempting to relay the latest bon mot from your grandchild…well, maybe ONE..)

      6)   Try not to be too cute. A letter from your dog or cat is pathetic. 

     

7    7)   Never, ever give up. Friendships have survived, purely on the basis of Christmas letters, for years. You never know when someone will emerge from your past, or when you might need a contact in Podunk, Idaho. I can cite personal examples.

      8)   Include a picture, if you can. Everyone else has also 1) gotten old 2) gained weight 3) gone gray. Here’s to truth in Christmas letters!

      9)   Include your email address or website or blog address. Someone might want to respond.

    10) Add a hand-written signature, at least. It might add a few minutes to your card assembly and mail process, but it pays for it in authenticity.

And, finally…ignore the rules. At this time of year—or any time at all—people are delighted to hear from you, whether the message is cheery or doleful, short or long, humble or…well, the opposite thereof. And if Fluffy or Mittens or Spot feels the urge to take pen in his or her paw, well, who am I to discourage anthropomorphism? Life is short, and so is the season of goodwill toward men (even if it did start the day after Halloween.) Write that letter! I am waiting by my mail slot!