(If you don't know me, understand that this is all pretty much tongue-in-cheek. I am a big fan of Christmas letters--long and short, and look forward to each and every one!)
Arminda Eberly. That's the name that springs to mind
whenever mine turns to Christmas messages. A cousin of my mother's, who--in
Southern parlance--wasn't quite right, Arminda always had the distinction of
being the first Christmas card received at our house, usually around
Thanksgiving. Arminda was the first lonely snowflake in the avalanche of Christmas
mail, and was celebrated accordingly.
My mom was always a card-sender--and a card-writer. Each by
hand. No carbon-copies for her. No generalized Christmas letters to be tucked
inside a card and sent off as token correspondence for the season. Long before
Xerox simplified our Christmas duties, my mom sent letters in every card, and
received letters in return: cataloguing the goings-on in the families of
friends and relations since the previous holiday season. She started on
Thanksgiving weekend and had everything in the mail by the first week in December.
With all the electronic assistance I have, I am still lucky to get cards in the
mail by New Years.
How to write a Christmas letter? There are rules (mostly not
observed, I fear..)
1)
Confine yourself to one page. That means one
SIDE of one sheet of paper. And in a readable font. None of this size 6
business. Brevity is the soul of Christmas letters.
2)
Keep it light. If it doesn't make you smile, don't say it.
There are some exceptions, as noted below. Some letters become legendary in
their own time, including one we actually received that marched stoically from ‘Merry
Christmas’ through an astonishingly calamitous year that incorporated heart
attacks, hospitalizations, a house fire, deaths, and everything else, short of
dismemberments and jail terms. (That type of recitation is now characterized as
a ‘Bud Fuller’ letter. Names have been changed to protect the oh-so-guilty
author.)
3)
If it's necessary to include sad news, do it
quickly and move on. "We are sad to say that Rover is now chasing
squirrels in the Great Beyond, but Muffy is still with us, and continues to
terrorize the mouse population."
4)
Give a sentence or two about each family member;
if you leave someone out, readers will suspect the worst--either total
disgrace, or that they are up there with Rover, chasing squirrels.
5)
Don’t brag (although it is tempting to relay the
latest bon mot from your grandchild…well, maybe ONE..)
6)
Try not to be too cute. A letter from your dog
or cat is pathetic.
7 7)
Never, ever give up. Friendships have survived,
purely on the basis of Christmas letters, for years. You never know when
someone will emerge from your past, or when you might need a contact in Podunk,
Idaho. I can cite personal examples.
8)
Include a picture, if you can. Everyone else has
also 1) gotten old 2) gained weight 3) gone gray. Here’s to truth in Christmas
letters!
9)
Include your email address or website or blog
address. Someone might want to respond.
10) Add a
hand-written signature, at least. It might add a few minutes to your card
assembly and mail process, but it pays for it in authenticity.
And, finally…ignore the rules. At this time of year—or any
time at all—people are delighted to hear from you, whether the message is
cheery or doleful, short or long, humble or…well, the opposite thereof. And if
Fluffy or Mittens or Spot feels the urge to take pen in his or her paw, well,
who am I to discourage anthropomorphism? Life is short, and so is the season of
goodwill toward men (even if it did start the day after Halloween.) Write that
letter! I am waiting by my mail slot!
