Happy Anniversary.

Today is our wedding anniversary.  Forty-one years ago today,  I was in Charlottesville, heading for Sarge's for breakfast with one of my college friends. I was stopping at VNB to withdraw some cash (these were the days before ATMs: how can that be?); was packing my little gold Toyota with all my worldly possessions (would that I could fit them all in that kind of space now!)preparatory for our long drive to California, where JC was stationed; was going over to my professor's home to change into the dress (that I had made myself--the pieces laid out and cut on the Biochemistry Department library table); and then, make my way to the University Chapel. But I digress.

Anniversaries aren't about remembering the day (though it was a great day...) Anniversaries are for looking at the times between: how far we've come and who we've met along the way; how we've changed, and how we've stayed the same; who we were and who we've become. I can't cover all that in a single sound-bite on a single day, any more than I could relive all those years. But I can talk about the person behind those changes, behind that growth. JC.

We have been together far longer than we've been apart. We are each other's best friends, and, while I grumble and disagree and sigh and roll my eyes occasionally, I wouldn't be anywhere else WITH anyone else, at any other time than now. Why? Hmm. Living is easy; analysis is hard--but...

1. He makes me laugh. No one is surprised at this, but it's not all funny stories when you're married. Things go wrong. I've been tired, discouraged, impatient, angry, frustrated--the whole gamut of emotions. And yet, he makes me smile.

2. He made me believe in me. Forty-one years ago, I would never have dreamed that I could host a dinner, plan a party, paint a room, plant a garden, entertain a child...And yet, I've done all these and more because he believed I could. He gave me the support and confidence I've needed over the years to get through all my doubts and shortcomings.

3. He taught me about people, about the importance of thank yous, and paying attention to every person you meet, every day.

4. He is a wonderful father. He is there, he is available for our daughters--and always has been. He traveled for most of the time they were growing up, but every night, they talked to him. No matter where he was or what he was doing, he called. Sometimes I think it was less for them and more to keep me sane, but he called. And when he came home, he brought stories for them: cab-driver stories, gleaned from whatever taxi he stepped into, about where the driver was from and what he did there and how he came to the U.S. And the girls had a globe to point to all those places. And whenever they had an event--a play, a recital, an award ceremony--he was there.

5. He is kind. I can be mean, I can be selfish, I can be suspicious--he's not. Just NOT.

6. He helps. He has always been the premiere vacuum person. He does a better job than I do. He takes out the trash; he does the dishes (this is where my eye-rolling comes in because he washes the dishes thoroughly before he puts them in the dishwasher; but, why complain? He's doing the dishes and I am not.) And since retiring, he does the laundry as often as I do, and is doing some cooking as well.

7. He appreciates what I do. He THANKS me for making breakfast, for picking up a prescription, for dropping off dry-cleaning occasionally, for making a jell-o salad that I know he likes, for folding laundry...I may be a lot of things, but never taken for granted. And if I draw a blank on what to have for dinner, he is quick to say "Let's go out.."

Sure, he has selective hearing sometimes. I am sure he has issues with my quirks, plentiful as they are. I suspect he has also rolled HIS eyes at some of the events I've dragged him to through the years, and some of the crack-brained ideas he's gone along with to please me. But, on balance, he comes down decidedly on the good side of things. Far more than I, I fear.

Somewhere along the way (and it may have been JC who said it--I'm willing to give him the credit) we adopted the line that marriage is a bargain--and the secret of any happy marriage is that BOTH people think they got the best of the deal. He may think he did, but he's wrong. I KNOW I did.